I’m kind of frustrated with life at the moment. I feel like I don’t get it. All I want is to feel alive and free because that’s what makes me happy. It’s not that hard. People talk about all kinds of things that they want and expect me to share the same dreams as them. They don’t even ask if I agree with them, usually they just assume that I do because it’s the norm. At this chapter of my life I’m realizing how much I differ from my friends when it comes to aspirations and dreams. The way I view things and the life I want is something totally different from a lot of my friends. I’m not saying that I don’t like them anymore I just don’t think we have as much in common as we did before. What frustrates me is that since my friends don’t want the same things I do, it’s hard to find time to hang out with them. It’s easier to hang out with people that do the same things you do and it’s easier to make plans with people who enjoy what you enjoy. It makes me feel guilty because I feel like I’m not putting enough effort in to our friendship. But at the same time they aren’t either and I’m okay with that.
I’m also finding it harder to adjust to adult life because I really don’t feel like an adult. I feel like a child and a grandma in a 21 year old body. I want all the fun but not the responsibility. I can’t understand how easy it seems to be fore people to choose what they want to do with their life. I can’t decide at all. I want to chill out on a beach for the rest of my life and learn how to surf, but also be a choreographer and travel form city to city all over the world. I want to live in the mountains with a giant dog. I want to stand on a big stage with a band and hear the crowd sing our song back to us. I want to ride dirt bikes all day. I want to become a great photographer and travel to beautiful places and take amazing photos. I want to fall in love when I’m 50 and live in a castle. I would love to go to collage and study philosophy or psychology. I’d like to learn like 20 languages and be a translator for really important people. There are so many things I wan’t to do but I feel like I’d need several lives to be able to do it all. I don’t have time.
WHY DOES THE WORLD REVOLVE AROUND TIME AND MONEY!?
IT’S NOT REAL, WE (HUMANS) MADE IT UP. It would be so much easier if there were no such restrictions… but of course I understand how beneficial it is. It’s just so frustrating sometimes.