It’s just a spark (draft from my diary)


(draft from my diary)
Today (Sunday) I voted, did house hold shores, watched Teen Wolf, ate 2 much candy and now I’m half asleep even though it’s only 20:44 pm. I don’t have a working phone so I’m counting on my computer to wake me up tomorrow. I can’t be late because I know I’ll have a breakdown and or panic attack of I’m late. I repeat, I CAN’T be late.

I just listened to Last hope by Paramore and the lyrics really resonated with me. I can’t explain what happened, but something inside me just exploded and now I’m crying. The song makes so much sense to me. Paramore has that incredible ability to put exactly what I’m feeling, or going through in my life, into lyrics or melody.

“I don’t even know myself at all
I thought I would be happy by now
The more I try to push it
I realize – gotta let go of control

Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
So let it happen’’

This is exactly where I am in my life at the moment, learning to let things happen and let go of control.  There is also a part in the song where she sings about having hope, “it’s just a spark but it’s enough to keep me going”.  The hope is to me just a spark but enough to keep me going, to keep me on this journey and not quit. I always give up on everything and everyone but not this time. It’s like I’m not afraid of falling down anymore and that allows me to really find freedom. That’s all I want. I want to be free. Free and fearless.
That’s all I can say at the moment, that I’m really going for it this time and I don’t intend to hold back at all. With this new found energy/inspiration this week should be pretty interesting.


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