I am holding myself back

Dance, Paulina

Here I am listening to Carmen McRae and enjoying this sunny Saturday. This is a great day, wonderful and inspiring. 

I started the day with a nice peaceful breakfast and after that, a very interesting ballet class where I felt like I found something new about the way I think.

I usually go in to class with the idea of not knowing anything and trying to soak up as much information as possible. Then I try to focus on something spesific so I don’t get overwhelmed by all the different things I could be working on. And then I try to do it how I think it’s supposed to be instead of exploring the possibility of what the movement is or what it can/could be. (I’m working on this issue) This morning Danielle said something along the lines of : Use what you already know. 
It just hit me right there and then, that I never use my knowledge in that way. I don’t think I give myself a chance to be sure about things. I constantly keep my mind in this unsure state of doubt. 
Why? Could it be a confidence issue? Probably.

I guess I wasn’t aware of it before today, but now that I realized this I’ll have no excuse to act like I don’t know anything. Because I do. I need to use what I know and apply it to things I don’t know so I can discover new things. otherwise I’m just letting myself stay in the same place. Learning and focusing on the same thing, staying in ”the comfort zone”.
Time to leave that place… 

She also said something about babies and how they are not afraid of exploring new things because they haven’t been hurt yet. I’m going to try to keep my mind in that state of fearlessness. Because to be honest there is nothing to be afraid of in a dance studio. However, I still manage to be a little bit scared. It’s totally irrational haha!

My goal for next week is to not waste all of these thoughts and really try to find a good mental state to be in so that I can really work.  I am also going to try to do things without trying to be so ”correct”. Make some mistakes and be human. Sounds good.


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